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But what if I didn't have anxiety?

Feeling like I need to try to explain again to my therapist that I want to not have anxiety because it sucks, but also that I have anxiety about not having anxiety because what if I can’t stop the Bad Thing™ from happening because I wasn’t anxious enough to think of preventing it? The travel anxiety is real right now. I love to explore this world, and I am very privileged to be able to do it, but getting from point A to point B nearly always takes it out of me. And it’s always in these times that I start to disconnect, because it feels like too much to be here in my body right now. Like my mind tells my body, “Wake me up when we get there, and the hard stuff is over.” And since I don’t want to stop traveling, I have built myself a support system around me; practices and people that remind me that I have the power and resources within me to guide myself back; that my breath, my senses, the feeling of my feet on the ground, can all be doorways back in. And yeah, maybe it doesn’t happen easily, or even at all some of the time. But I’m trying. And that’s why it’s called a practice.

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