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S O L S T I C E

On the evening of this winter solstice, the longest and darkest night of the year, I swam out far from the coastline. To a point where I could see nothing but the deep blue below me, to a point where the fear of that unknown began to lodge and nag within my throat. I watched as the ocean gathered her energy and pulled into herself, rolling, pulsing, yearning for release. I let the white water crash on top of me, sinking me deep deep down until I could not tell which way was up. My ears rang, my eyes burned, my lungs ached. I did not breath. I let that sweet darkness swallow me. I stayed there, scared into stillness until I felt a light ignite within me. I knew where I had to go then. There is a darkness that has lived inside of me for as long as I can remember. I’ve tried everything to purge it, tried to burn it,